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My First Rabbit Hole: The Birth Stories of My Two Children
My kids are teenagers now, but I can still remember the details of their births as though they happened yesterday. The anticipation, the uncertainty, the excitement, the intensity, and ultimately, the indescribable feeling of finally holding each of them in my arms.
Having been blessed with two low-risk pregnancies, and after much reading and research, I decided to step away from the conventional hospital birth experience. I wanted something different for my babies and me.
I wanted to feel confident, informed, and empowered, and I wanted to give my body the opportunity to do what it was designed to do.
Laying the groundwork
Ricki Lake’s documentary, “The Business of Being Born,” had just come out. I watched it multiple times. I also devoured books like “Pushed” by Jennifer Block, and “Spiritual Midwifery” and “Ina May’s Guide to Childbirth” by Ina May Gaskin.
I quickly determined that I would not be giving birth at a hospital, mostly, of course, for the health of my baby, but also to set us up to succeed, and for preserving my own health. For example, I couldn’t fathom that God or Mother Nature intended for women to become incontinent after having babies!
We lived in the Upper Florida Keys at the time, and the nearest hospital didn’t have a labor and delivery department. Having never given birth, I wasn’t comfortable with the idea of doing it at home for my first baby. Instead, I chose a birth center that was about two hours away on the mainland.
Convincing my husband and family that going the natural route was the best option for us wasn’t easy. I’d heard through the grapevine that my grandmother-in-law was exceptionally uneasy about it.
I wrote her a letter describing my reasons and sent her my copy of “Pushed.” She appreciated it and soon came around. I like to think of this as foreshadowing my current career in health freedom advocacy.
I adored my midwife. She was very comforting in a motherly way that helped boost confidence in my decision. We were a little concerned about the distance between home and the birth center, but put plans in place that made it work.
I enjoyed my appointments further north. I would stop for some shopping at stores we didn’t have in the Keys and satisfy pregnancy cravings at restaurants found only on the mainland.
The nitty gritty
When I woke the day of my daughter’s arrival, I could tell that something was different. I was 10 days late from the due date established via ultrasound. I had my own due date from my calculations that had me only two days late.
I had an appointment set anyway for the birth center at 9:00 a.m., so I just proceeded as normal. My husband and I went to the appointment where it was confirmed that I was in very early labor.
One of the tricky aspects of being so far away from the birth center was that they didn’t want you there until you were pretty far along in labor, so we had to find another place that was close and somewhat comfortable.
Initially, we started at my husband’s cousin’s house in Miami, and stayed there until I was to be checked again at the birth center in the early afternoon. After that, the plan was to labor in a hotel room that was next door to the birth center.
My parents and sister were in town. They were the ones who booked the hotel room. I told them to bring things to do like board games and cards because I didn’t like the idea of four people just staring at me for hours in a hotel room while I labored. Needless to say, I don’t think they paid much attention to the card games.
That early afternoon check revealed that I was only about 2 cm dilated. My midwife accidentally broke my water while she was checking me. She was very mad at herself. I don’t remember being too upset about it, but boy, did that intensify things. We left, went to the hotel with the plan to come back around 5:00 p.m.
Looking back, I have to chuckle and feel bad for my poor traditional parents in that hotel room. I’m sure they were feeling pretty helpless listening to me moan through the pain of the contractions, probably thinking, in their opinion, that we should be doing this at a hospital.
I got through my contractions mostly by standing, swaying and hanging on to my husband. Around 5:00 p.m., we all headed back over to the center. I had progressed to about 4-5 cm dilated at that point.
Once we were settled in the room, I decided to get in a warm shower. I still wanted my husband close, so he put on swim shorts, but was only able to be about halfway in due to the size of the shower. Later, he would tell me that he was freezing; I guess the room was a little on the cool side.
The shower helped move the labor along pretty quickly. After only about 20 minutes, I could tell that the contractions had changed. I had wanted to have a water birth, but once I got back to the bed to be checked, there was no way I could leave that spot.
The tub was just five steps from the bed, but it may as well have been 10 miles away in my mind!
It was time to push. Two pushes and she came flying out, right into her daddy’s hands, at 6:53 p.m., weighing 7 lbs. 6 oz. What a moment! After all those hours of anticipation and hard work, there she was. Our little girl.
We spent the next five hours at the center, making sure everyone was OK, getting our skin-to-skin bonding, latching, and letting the family meet her. After that, we stayed at the cousin’s house to be close to the birth center for those first couple of days, then went home.
I remember the 30-minute drive from the birth center to the house in Miami. My husband was a nervous wreck on the road, making sure every bump was handled with care. I was on cloud nine.
That natural oxytocin was flowing, the pain was gone, and our adorable little girl was finally here. I was completely smitten. It was, without question, one of the best feelings in the world.
There’s no place like home
By the time I became pregnant with my son, I had a completely different level of confidence. My daughter’s birth had been such a positive experience that I no longer felt the need to have my first baby away from home.
This time, I knew I wanted a home birth. There was something special about the idea of welcoming our second baby into the world right in the place where we lived, surrounded by the comforts of home.
This time, I woke up early on our due date and knew I was in labor. The tricky part about home births is figuring out when to have your midwife come over, especially if they have a little bit of a drive. The contractions slowly progressed over the day.
I handled labor differently this time. I believe I knew what was coming, but was mentally keeping it at bay, being a little afraid to go there. Instead of hanging on my husband, I was mostly lying on the couch. We finally decided to have the midwives come in the late afternoon.
My parents were in town again, and they had my daughter with them. At one point, while I was on the couch, my dad brought my husband some food. I remember telling my dad that he could come in, but he was apprehensive and didn’t stay long. Maybe he had a little PTSD from the first time!
My husband was still eating when the midwives arrived. They got settled, got the tub ready, then they thought it would be a good idea for me to take a walk to get things progressing more quickly.
It turns out that I was already much further along than we thought. We didn’t know at first since it wasn’t in this midwife’s practice to check dilation, and my water hadn’t broken.
As they were helping get my shoes on for the walk, I was making pushing sounds, and we realized that the labor had transitioned. Wasting no time, instead of the walk, I got into the tub. I remember feeling that ring of fire women speak of and saying that I didn’t think I could do this. The midwives and my husband were very encouraging.
And then came the moment! Out he came, still tucked inside his amniotic sac. That’s right, my son was born en caul! A rare and pretty remarkable occurrence, it was an early sign that my son was special from the very beginning!
The midwives quickly opened the sac to make sure everything was OK, so unfortunately, we don’t have pictures of that incredible moment. But it’s something I’ll always remember about his entrance into the world. He was born at 6:37 p.m., weighing 8 lbs, 4 oz.
Being able to do this at home was wonderful! There was much less strategic planning to do than for my daughter’s birth, no precarious drives for my husband, and all the coziness and familiarity of being home.
Making informed childbirth choices
Looking back, I still feel incredibly blessed and proud that I was able to welcome both of my children into the world on my own terms. Their births were completely different experiences, each special in its own way.
What I remember most isn’t necessarily the pain or even the logistics of how everything unfolded. It’s the feeling. The anticipation, the intensity, the incredible support from the people around me, and that overwhelming rush of love when each of my babies finally arrived. Those are memories I’ll carry with me forever.
I also look back and appreciate how much I learned through the process. Childbirth was my first rabbit hole, and it certainly helped shape the person I am today. It taught me to question conventional wisdom, do my own research, trust my instincts, and take responsibility for making informed decisions about my health.
I recognize that traditional obstetrics plays an important role and that hospital births are necessary in many circumstances. This isn’t about one approach being right for every mother-to-be.
It’s about having options, being treated with respect, and being given truly informed consent so that women can make the decisions that are right for themselves and their babies.
I got to experience two beautiful births, welcome two healthy babies, and begin two of the greatest adventures of my life. And now, with those babies somehow being teenagers, I look back on those days with so much gratitude. If I could go back and do it all again, I wouldn’t change a thing.
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