Our Autism Story: ‘To This Day, I Don’t Know What Caused Matthew to Have Autism’

By Brian Nomi

Editor’s note: In recognition of Autism Awareness Month, we invited members of the CHD community to submit their personal stories about autism, and how it has affected them and their families.

In the year 2010, I did not know what autism was. The full limit of my knowledge was from the movie “Rain Man,” where there was a socially awkward brother who hangs out with Tom Cruise and is really good at playing blackjack due to being a savant.

I chose 2010 because that is when my son Matthew was born. He was a healthy, happy baby. He seemed not able to pick up language, but that was just because “boys are slower to talk than girls.”

Around age three, he got the diagnosis of autism from a social worker at the daycare, due to his habit of “W-sitting” as well as his pronounced lack of social awareness even at that age. That triggered the past 11 years of researching autism and doing everything I can to help Matthew.

Unlike many people, I cannot remember a specific time when he regressed. My wife is the one who took him to the pediatric visits during his first year, so I never saw him react to the shots. He just never started to talk and socialize the way most toddlers do.

I do remember during the first few years of dealing with autism that I had the mentality that it was 100% sure that vaccines DON’T cause autism, and that anyone who says that they might is a bad person. That shows how pervasive the media message was back at that time.

To this day, I don’t know what caused Matthew to have autism. He was not a talkative, eye-contact baby at any time in his life, and his failure to socialize/talk was consistent from birth.

During years of trying to help Matthew, I (like many other parents) spent thousands of hours studying the subject. Nothing helped.

The most direct advice I got was to try lots of good ABA (applied behavioral analysis) therapy — an idea that I now am convinced offers almost nothing to help.

At some point, I read the book “Denial” by Mark Blaxill. This is the turning point / red-pill moment where it all came together. That book made it completely clear to me that:

• • A hundred years ago, there was no autism.
  • Something is causing today’s spike in autism.

I’ve continued doing everything I can to help Matthew.

Nowadays, it involves advice from TACA (The Autism Community in Action), and keeping informed by watching “The Highwire.” Del Bigtree, in particular, gave me hope, even during the darkest days of COVID-19 a few years ago.

Autism is a different story for every person involved. Matthew is now 14. He is able to talk somewhat well, although limited in his ability to respond, and is a very handsome young man.

He’s really good at memorizing things, and can identify 98% of the 170 flags of the world we have on flashcards. Just watch him here.

The sad part is that he cannot live independently and requires someone to monitor him at all times during the day, as he is prone to elopement and shows no awareness of danger.

He’s a sweet, extremely intelligent, and funny little guy who makes an impact on those who work with him.

For the past year, he’s been living in China with mom (we’re still a couple, but separated by the Pacific Ocean), while he attends a special school for kids with autism in China.

He gets a ton of good therapy, sports, and art programs, and hangs out with mom’s side of the family. We still get together whenever we can, and we recently spent a week hanging out together in Southeast Asia.

But we have not overcome autism, at least not yet. You don’t need to feel sorry for me, we will never stop trying, and I am certain that someday a miracle will happen to help Matthew.

The views and opinions expressed in this article are those of the authors and do not necessarily reflect the views of Children’s Health Defense.

Do you have an autism story you’d like to share with the CHD Community for Autism Awareness Month? Click here for details.